The Truth About Time Freedom

Why fun, guilt-free alone time is crucial to our mental health — and the key to getting it 

When you become a mother, you quickly realize that your personal time takes a hit the moment your child enters the world.

Kids have a WHOLE LOT OF NEEDS. Add to that the reality that we are raised in a culture and under systems that convince us that productivity and accomplishment are a requirement for love and directly proportional to our value. This leaves mothers overworked, overburdened, and frankly, burnt out.

And even when you create or magically stumble upon “free” time for yourself, you are saddled with the, “What’s the best use of my time?” question. And this question comes with a lot of baggage and can often be paralyzing, so we end up wasting what little time we do have to ourselves wondering if we’re doing enough for others.

Are you shackled to expectations of self-worth and expectations of what would a “good” mother do? (If you know what a “good” mother is, please let me know.

• No longer having the freedom to do what you want; when you want to do it.

• No longer having the freedom to spend time taking care of yourself without feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety that everything is going to fall apart if you’re not “on.”

This is why I have been talking and teaching about Time Freedom in my community.

Time Freedom is the understanding that as mothers managing busy family schedules, time is limited and precious AND that we're in control of how we spend it (for the most part.) 

Sure, there will always be bills to pay and kids to feed, and 1,000 activities to get to, and while we can't do whatever we want at any given moment, we can have the freedom to choose to do more of what we love and want to do to care for ourselves.

We can be free from the emotional baggage (and subconscious programming) that prevents us from taking time for ourselves and enjoying it. We cannot fully reap the benefits of that time if we are ruminating on unhelpful patterns of thinking and feeling.

Let’s paint a little picture to demonstrate what Time Freedom actually looks like.

It’s 3 pm, and you’re frazzled, overwhelmed, and feeling like you have too much to do and so little time before you pick up the kids after school. 

That feeling drives you to put your head down and crank through a few more items on your to-do list. You’re antsy and uncomfortable physically and emotionally because you haven’t moved your body or gone outside today.

While driving to get the kids, you can feel the pull of your email inbox even though you just left it a hot second ago. You’re distracted and ruminating on what you were doing right before I picked them up. You’re irritable and annoyed at dinner and with your partner. You finally get the kids to bed, and you’re greeted with a sink full of dirty dishes and the pile of clutter and random school papers. 

You proceed to clean up ALL THE THINGS resentfully (You also cleaned up yesterday and the day before). Then, you find yourself scrolling on your phone to FINALLY DO SOMETHING FOR YOU until you shamefully realize you’ve been on your phone for too long and you’re up way too late (again.) 

Sound familiar? 🙋‍♀️

Now let’s look at same shit, different day WITH Time Freedom. 

It’s 3 pm, and you’re frazzled, overwhelmed, and feeling like you have too much to do and so little time before you pick up the kids after school. 

You are acutely aware of the part of yourself that links productivity to the “right” to take care of yourself. You meet yourself in the moment with some compassion and acknowledge the inner dialogue of your parts that are driving you to choose self-sacrifice and productivity over what you know is actually best for your mind and body.

You take a breath and say out loud, “I’m shutting this down and choosing to take care of myself.” Then you close your computer and put on your shoes for a 20-minute walk before going to get the kids.

While on your walk, everything slows down and you feel your body chemistry changing. You feel your shoulders dropping, and your perspective about what’s actually a priority is coming back into view. Your body responds positively to the movement and fresh air and you find yourself feeling a wave of appreciation and gratitude.

When you get back home, you open your computer again and quickly fire off 2 emails that you’ve been avoiding because now you’re in a different headspace. 

While driving to get the kids, you choose to play a song for YOU that doesn’t involve zombies, descendants, or a recent Disney film. (Unless that’s your jam. No judgment!) 

The night has the same shenanigans as usual (enter sibling squabbles, food refusals, and someone who “isn’t tired!” at bedtime.) But now you can feel your feet on the ground and take deeper breaths amidst the triggers and unpleasant moments.

Once everyone is down for the count, you check in with yourself and ask, what do I WANT to do this evening? And thanks to the pause, you remember that there was a meditation you wanted to press ‘play’ on so you give yourself 10 minutes (timers work for adults too!) and clean up only the most important things before settling in to meditate. After the meditation, you feel relaxed and less interested in your phone so you head to bed early to read a few chapters of your current book.  

Let’s reflect together - 

How does the second version sound to you versus the first one? 

What do you relate to most and how does it make you feel? 

What are you modeling for your kids in your current scenario?

Notice your triggers and what is coming up as you play these out and reflect on your own reality.

Think of the two scenarios above as a snapshot of Time Freedom, ‘before and after.’ 

Time Freedom is the understanding that time is limited and precious AND that we're in control of how we spend it (for the most part.) 

If you would like to examine your own subconscious programming and learn how to cultivate more Time Freedom in your life, please check out The School of MOM’s brand new program, FLOURISH.

FLOURISH is a science-backed, interactive, and integration-focused program for women who want to be present and resilient mothers and set intentional boundaries to be the happiest and healthiest versions of themselves. You’ll learn to embody true flourishing and model a different way of being and doing for your kids. You've found your people if you’re ready to move from surviving to thriving.  

Sarah Harmon is a Licensed Mental Health Therapist, mindfulness & yoga teacher, wellness expert, and founder of The School of MOM (Mothering Ourselves Mindfully) and The Parent Wellness Group. She is passionate about supporting humans on their unique wellness journey. Learn more about Sarah at www.theschoolofmom.com and www.parentwellnessgroup.com. You can also follow her on Instagram @the.schoolofmom.