The Trauma Trend
From the pandemic to Insta-therapy, the words “trauma” and "traumatic" have become buzzwords online and in our conversations. But what truly is trauma and how does it impact women’s lives and health?
As women and mothers, we often seek validation and connection with those around us. We can frequently feel isolated and unseen in the complexity of emotions and experiences we face as we navigate our world. At times, this desire to be heard can cause us to use quantifying language to express the degree of impact something has had on us. Enter the word "traumatic."
It’s common for the word "trauma" or "traumatic" to come up in conversations, whether online or with friends, to describe something that has significantly impacted someone’s mental or emotional state. While using these terms can effectively convey how intensely we may have felt, it can ultimately lead to confusion about why something we experienced had such a profound effect on us. To better understand what’s happening—and why it’s happening—it’s essential to distinguish between reactions informed by trauma and those rooted in other stressors, such as unmet needs.
What Is Trauma?
According to the Center for Health Care Strategies, trauma refers to exposure to an event or series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life-threatening, with lasting adverse effects on an individual's functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, and/or spiritual well-being. This definition highlights that trauma isn’t just about the event itself but about the long-lasting impact it has on one’s ability to function.
A survey conducted by the Department of Health and Human Services reveals that approximately half of all women will experience some form of traumatic event in their lifetime (Vogt & Mangan, n.d.). However, many experiences women face throughout their lives may not technically meet the definition of trauma but still have a lasting and significant impact on how they view themselves and the world around them. These moments can be objectively significant life events or instances that, at first glance, may seem insignificant.
The Lasting Impact of Seemingly Small Events
For example, a passing comment from a friend about our appearance in high school or being teased and left out in 5th grade might seem like trivial memories. However, due to various factors, we may internalize a belief about ourselves based on those experiences. Over time, these beliefs may become detached from the specific event or time period, and instead become a constant lens through which we view ourselves. Negative beliefs such as “I am not good enough” or “I do not belong” can turn into wounds to our sense of self. When these wounds are triggered, they can provoke intense emotional reactions, impacting our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations.
How Experiences Impacts Our Reactions
As discussed in The Body Keeps The Score, information is stored in our brains in a fragmented way, which causes us to interpret and process current life events through the lens of past experiences. As a result, we may notice increased reactivity to situations, stimuli (sounds, smells, sights), emotions, and stress. It’s not uncommon to feel that our body’s automatic reaction to a present situation feels disproportionate to the situation itself. This is because our brains and bodies are processing the new situation through the filter of unresolved, unhealed experiences, amplifying its impact and our emotional activation.
Stress and Trauma
For some individuals, not recognizing their unhealed trauma may lead them to misunderstand the effect that stress has on their bodies, emotions, and cognition. They may mistake their heightened reactivity as simply a response to current life stressors. When attempts to alter their environment, relationships, schedules, or other external factors don’t seem to “fix” or alleviate their dysregulation, they may feel discouraged or hopeless. It can also make it harder for them to connect with others, as those around them may be confused by their disproportionate reactions and may not know how to offer support.
For others, reflecting on their stress may reveal a complex mix of unrealistic expectations of themselves and challenges in accessing appropriate resources and support. If someone attributes all their reactions solely to trauma, they may inadvertently internalize the idea that something is "wrong" or "broken" within themselves. This could reinforce the cycle of self-blame, making it more difficult to recognize that external stressors may also be contributing to their dysregulation.
The reality is that we exist within environments that shape our experiences. It’s rarely just one factor that contributes to our dysregulation in the face of stress. However, taking the time to reflect on our physiological reactions, emotions, thoughts, and feelings when overwhelmed can help us identify where to focus our energy—whether it’s in making changes to our environment or seeking additional support.
Our nervous system is designed to keep us safe by leveraging past experiences and current stimuli to assess threats and take protective actions. Paying attention to when your stress response kicks in—whether through fight, flight, or freeze reactions—can help you pinpoint triggers. Are there particular situations, sounds, environments, or relationships that provoke this response? Does a specific negative thought (e.g., "I am not good enough," or "I am broken") accompany the reaction?
When to Seek Support
You may be wondering when it's time to seek professional help. A sign that you might need therapeutic support is if you feel that you are having more reactions than purposeful, mindful responses in your day-to-day life. While it’s normal to experience visceral, instinctual reactions to life’s stressors, if you find that you’re often overwhelmed by these reactions instead of responding thoughtfully, it may be time to seek compassionate, evidence-based support. A therapist, support group, or other mental health resources can help you explore the internal and external factors contributing to your dysregulation.
The Importance of Reflection and Support
Being a woman means constantly bombarded with implicit and explicit messaging of how we “should” act, look and be. However what becomes stripped away is that the way women navigate their world is shaped by a lifetime of experiences. These experiences, whether profoundly traumatic or seemingly minor, become memories that guide how we respond to the present. Every woman is worthy and deserving of taking time to reflect on how past events have shaped her, and to seek support when being curious if these events have created wounds to her sense of self. It is through having these wounds validated, cared for, and eventually healed that we can evolve into the version of ourselves we are so worthy of being.
Allie Stefanelli is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, founder of Riverview Psychotherapy and expert in supporting those who are processing trauma and coping with stressful life transitions. Allie has more than a decade of experience working with individuals from diverse backgrounds who are coping with complex physical and mental health diagnoses in a variety of settings, including the NICU. She holds a certificate in Traumatic Stress Studies and is certified in Perinatal Mental Health and EMDR. Learn more about Allie or listen to our podcast interview with her about maternal trauma.