Movement As Medicine
Stress levels of modern mothers are off the charts. Contributor Michelle Hansford explores how exercise – even minimally – can transform your mental health.
As soon as my alarm goes off, I hear her. You know, HER, the one who nags me (maybe you, too?) as soon as my eyes open and I drag myself from sleep, reminding me of all the to-do’s I must check off before my day is complete, considered a “success”. Tonight is a late hockey night so late to bed for everyone…which reminds me, I need to get skates sharpened…and I 100% have to get to the grocery store, get poster board for the school project…which reminds me, I need to put that due date on the calendar, oh! and we are out of dog food, and I need to get laundry in (how am I ever going to get that stain out of that new sweatshirt?)…I look at my phone, and my boss has called a mandatory 9am Zoom meeting, and OMG is the toilet still running from last night? I’ll take a look later…
I continue to spin through my alarming to-do list as I pull on my running clothes (worn the day before, but whatever). I’ll get the kids to the bus stop and have just enough time to fit in a run before my meeting. After my run, I’m sweaty with muscles heated up and alive, but there is something else. The day doesn’t feel quite as overwhelming anymore. I’m ready to engage in my meeting, make a list of the day’s must-dos, and oh, look at that, the toilet isn’t running anymore when I head in to shower. I’m calmer but also energized. My stress feels in check. This can’t be all in my head.
And as it turns out – it is not. The power of exercise to combat stress and anxiety and to positively impact us emotionally has been studied and documented. Yet, many of us don’t truly grasp the power movement has on our brains and mental health. While stress levels and mental illness continue to rise for mothers across the country, it’s more important now than ever to understand (and reap) these benefits.
Drowning in stress
“Close your eyes and picture the perfect mother. She is usually blonde and thin. Her roots are never showing and she installed that gleaming kitchen backsplash herself (watch her Insta for DIY tips). She seamlessly melds work, wellness and home; and during the depths of the pandemic, she also ran remote school and woke up at 5 a.m. to meditate.”
-Jessica Grose, author of Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood
When you consider your stress levels, you have to consider this: How many times a day do you (the generalized “you”, of course, not specifically “you”, wink wink) scroll through social media, internally berating yourself when you see yet another mom’s DIY project (when you can barely keep the kitchen counters clean); yet another fit-foodie mom who looks picture-perfect after a workout (as you’re trying to remember the last time your hair was washed); and yet another set of photos from an amazing, exotic, and most likely insanely expensive vacation (when you can barely get out of your own way, never mind on a damn plane).
We compare ourselves to other moms and drown in the stress that we don’t look a certain way, or our homes don’t look a certain way, or that our damn kitchen backsplashes don’t look a certain way. We compare and then we stress about it ALL, and it’s exhausting. Motherhood today encompasses so many roles and expectations that can leave moms feeling alone, inferior, anxious, depleted, and exhausted. Mothers often manage the family’s schedules, finances, cooking, and cleaning, not to mention the coordinating, shopping, driving, and mental load that accompanies each facet of running a household. We would probably enjoy it more, or at least some of it, if we didn’t feel the pressure to do it all so damn well, and to see on the regular how damn well everyone else seems to be doing it. Today, many are two-income households, adding another responsibility to already full plates. A Psychology Today article acknowledges that, “The combination of impossible and incompatible ideals of work and home, with a lack of policy and social support for working families, has put mothers in a no-win situation”.
The Stress Survey Says
Think about your most recent “real life” interactions with other moms, and I am willing to bet they all said something along the lines of, “Oh I’m good, just busy”, or “I just can’t keep up with it all!”, or “I’m exhausted”, or, “I’d love to but I can’t because…” (insert x, y, or z). When did doing more equate to success?
According to recent reports and data, even though we are doing more (and should feel successful!), we are isolating ourselves more than ever, depending on caffeine, alcohol, antidepressants - whatever it takes - more than we are depending on each other. Oath Care, a self-proclaimed “judgment-free” online community and resource for parents, recently released findings from their 2023 State of Parental Stress & Mental Health Survey. Here are a few highlights:
1/10 parents said they had no one in their lives to turn to for emotional support;
Moms were almost 3x more likely than dads to say that they rarely or never do something for themselves unrelated to kids or work;
Parents reported finances as the #1 issue affecting their happiness closely followed by mental health and lack of sleep;
1/3 of moms have their sleep interrupted each night.
The report elaborates on the myriad of stresses currently facing parents (moms in particular), including the tough financial climate; the expectation to “do it all” (as more and more moms are working full-time jobs outside of their parental and household duties);, and on top of these stressors we aren’t sleeping, aren’t asking for help, and aren’t even having sex very often, prioritizing rest and alone time over intimacy.
The “older” millennial mom generation (yup, that’s us between the ages of 35-45) are also in what’s referred to as “the sandwich years”, when we are not only taking care of our children, but often our aging parents as well. Today’s extended families typically do not live together, or even nearby, making this dual responsibility tougher on mothers than ever before.
So what is a mom to do? Build a toolkit for stress and understand how movement should be at the top of the box.
Happy People Don’t Just Shoot Their Husbands
“Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy People don’t just shoot their husbands, they just don’t.”
-Elle Woods, Legally Blonde
Elle knew her stuff, as endorphins gained from exercise absolutely can affect mood. Science has taught us that, “Endorphins are neuropeptides, or chemical signals in the brain, that block the perception of pain. The body makes endorphins [which are] a type of ‘feel good’ brain chemical. They act as natural pain and stress relievers. The body releases them during pleasurable activities, such as sex and exercise”.
How do you get those endorphins so your partner and loved ones remain safe? Exercise. The Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA) recently released a report explaining, “[Stress is] impossible to eliminate, but you can learn to manage stress, and most people usually do. According to a recent ADAA online poll, some 14 percent of people make use of regular exercise to cope with stress. Others reported talking to friends or family (18 percent); sleeping (17 percent); watching movies or TV (14 percent), as well as eating (14 percent) and listening to music (13 percent). While all of these are well-known coping techniques, exercise may be the one most recommended by health care professionals” (which is good for us moms, considering we don’t sleep or rely on anyone, insert winky-face emoji).
The article elaborates by saying that, “Exercise is considered vital for maintaining mental fitness…is very effective at reducing fatigue, improving alertness and concentration, and enhancing overall cognitive function [which can be] especially helpful when stress has depleted your energy or ability to concentrate”. Exercise can also improve our sleep and make us feel more energized and healthy. All good things, right?
The fact that exercise can help alleviate stress and anxiety is not terribly mind-blowing; however, what might be for you as a busy mom is that you (yes, specifically “you”, again) can fit it in. You can make the time. You who doesn’t have a minute to herself but has watched the same TikTok video 12 times today (no judgment here) and has made sure that your older son gets to football, your younger son gets to hockey, your daughter gets to soccer, lunches are made, dinner is made, laundry is folded, the dog is walked, the fish are fed…you get the point. We make time for the things we want to or “have to” make time for. Period.
How about making exercise a “have to”, or even a “want to”? Sure, fitting in a workout or a run or a walk would add “just one more thing”, but perhaps it would make all of the other things more manageable?
Let’s get physical (but not too physical)
According to Talkspace, the physical benefits of exercise include:
The body produces those lovely endorphins we mentioned above;
It helps control cortisol levels (the stress hormone that we all have);
Changes how your body processes oxygen while improving blood flow. Stress, even when it’s just minor, can be a trigger for health issues due to inadequate blood flow to the heart;
The repetitive action of walking, pedaling, paddling, running, or doing anything active can become a sort of meditation for stress reduction.
Other benefits include: strengthening muscles and bones, boosting immunity, lowering blood pressure while increasing good cholesterol, improving circulation, helping with weight management, aiding in sleeping better, increasing energy, and boosting self-confidence.
Oh great, you’re probably thinking. I don’t have time to train for a marathon, or the energy to do hour-long cardio workouts. No need to worry. The Talkspace article, as well as the plethora of other articles reporting the benefits of exercise, stresses (no pun intended) that, “Exercise does not have to be strenuous in order to have an impact”, and that people should “Consider inserting cumulative exercise, without a rigid framework, to take the pressure off of executing a perfect plan. When you start to crave it, it’s only a matter of time before your mind and body can’t live without the designated time for stress relief”.
Think about that: designated time for stress relief. And it doesn’t have to be strenuous. Or rigid. Or a lot of time: If you have 20 minutes before the start of a jam-packed Saturday filled with lacrosse fields, hockey rinks, birthday parties, and household chores, then take those 20 minutes. They will fuel you all day long. Consider what type of physical activity would help YOU the most throughout your day. Consider how great it will feel to know that you purposely set aside time for yourself, amidst the chaos, and how empowered you will feel becoming stronger from strength training (see the November MB article on how important this is for us older millennial gals), or how bad-ass you will feel after a challenging HIIT workout, or how revitalized you will feel after a walk in the cold winter air.
Also remember that exercise doesn’t have to be structured to be beneficial: Maybe you planned to do a YouTube yoga video before the kids got off the bus but it didn’t happen, and now you’re off-kilter. Maybe you can complete said video with the kids, or solo while they’re unwinding watching TV that night; or maybe you all take a family bike ride instead. As our lives and schedules become busier, more demanding, and more inflexible, we must become more flexible and fit in exercise and movement however we can, whenever we can. The key is not to hold yourself to impossible standards; rather, it is to acknowledge your current life and the demands (and stress!) that accompanies it, and to insert daily movement into each day, whatever that may look like, on any given day.
Some days you’ll run like you’re weightless. Some days you will feel strong, and empowered, and able to manage it all. Other days you will feel beaten down by life and by the day. But regardless of what life throws at you, if you take time to honor yourself with whatever time and with whatever energy you have to MOVE, nothing can take that away.
Michelle Hansford is a writer, editor and proud mom of two boys, Caleb and Sam, and her dopey coonhound, Scout. She and her husband live on the South Shore, where they frequent hockey rinks, soccer fields, and baseball fields, depending on the season. In addition to being her boys’ biggest fan, Michelle enjoys exercising, reading and cooking. Michelle is also an OG Mama Beast and led Mama Beasts South before taking her workouts online. Watch for her new blog coming soon!