Breaking “News”: Moms Want To Win

It was a complete beast moment: Long-distance Brazilian runner Luciana Grandi Lourencao, sweaty, strong and smiling, pumped her fist victoriously after crossing the Presidente Prudentet half marathon finish line, winning the race – a moment of huge celebration for the personal trainer and mother of two girls. But as the video of her triumph went viral, the media and internet didn’t join her celebratory tone. Rather, variations of “Marathon Runner Deliberately Ignores Her Cheering Kids For Her Big Finish”, and “Marathon Mom Swerves Past Her Kids To Win Race” dominated the headlines.

You see, in order to win, she had to sprint by her husband and two kids, with whom she had planned to cross the finish line – until she realized she was about to win a close race. Although some blamed Lourencao’s husband for attempting to sabotage her (in truth, he didn’t realize the plan had changed and she was about to win the race), the important news here was that a mother had chosen to ignore her children to prioritize a personal accomplishment.

Apparently, it is newsworthy and shocking that a mom wants to – get this— compete! And wants her hours of work and training to bring her a well-deserved victory - never mind that this woman is a fitness professional and that racing is her craft. Her job. And even if it wasn’t, she still spent endless hours training.  And, oh you know, it’s also her life. She’s allowed to want a winning performance. Why does her drive have to speak to who she is as a mother?

This entire situation was a reminder of how we’re expected to keep the woman inside the mother quiet and secondary. She can exist, but not as a priority. And if the woman inside does become front and center, well, you’re a bad mother. Obviously. Sure, exercise and train for a race. But don’t choose a victory over your kids. Excel at your job, but not at the expense of your family. Invest in time for yourself, but as long as it’s convenient to everyone who depends on you.

I am over these stipulations.

You can be first. You can finish the race. Hell, you can win that race.  You can choose opportunity. And much to the comment section’s shock, you can do all this while being a good mother.

Mothers make countless sacrifices and choose their children over themselves day in and day out, little moments and big moments. But those moments aren’t what constitute viral videos and headlines. This type of behavior is expected, not exceptional. Conversely, it’s on the rare occasion we choose ourselves that the world takes notice, somehow an invitation to judge our maternal character based on this one instance. Besides, what fun would it be to write headlines about mothers doting on their child’s every need and laying awake at night, flashing through worries and responsibilities to ensure that our children are safe enough, loved enough, and that you are doing enough. No. That wouldn’t be good for the sport of calling out mothers for being more than a mother. This hobby rests comfortably on one fact that society can’t seem to shake: a mother is entirely selfless, or she is not much of a mother. That is what they say.

I say, run mama. Leave the haters behind and honor the woman inside whenever you can. Run mama, run. 

Antoinette Hemphill is a writer and founder of Mama Beasts. She has completed half-marathons with and without her children at the finish line. And if she ever was in the running to win one, you bet your ass she wouldn’t be stopping.